1. |
Only You Can Save Me
08:25
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Could never reach the stars
Without your hand
I won't let go
Of what we were
God forbid
I show anyone else my spine
My life
I don't need to
Noises bleeding out
From within my walls
Aches and groans
Of a room haunted
By my heart
When I lost you
Each little fiber
Of my being
Withered and rotted
They're all gone
But each piece of me
Would come back
If you would to
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2. |
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In just one night
It seems like
I've lost it all
You
A family
Any stability
If I could hold you
Maybe I'd stop shaking
Maybe I'd sleep a little easier
But I have nothing to hold
But the ribs
Protruding from my sides
Holding myself
With what little strength
I've got left
Trying not to unravel
Pressing the stitches down
That you'd so neatly
Sewn into my skin
Just trying to keep it together
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3. |
Since We Last Spoke
11:20
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A slave
To the whispers
Bleeding in my stomach
They'd tell me
Everything I didn't want to hear
I don't want to be here
Wherever I may stand
I don't belong
Anyone but me
Deserves to have my life
This is no matter
Of getting better or worse
Just a matter
Of how you scorn me
How you remember me
How you wanted me
With my body becoming frail
No longer can I stand anything
Let alone even stand anymore
You wouldn't want to hold me
There's so little left of this body
Decaying and wilting
Like the flowers nailed on your wall
You could hear a pin drop
In my chest
I've given it all to you
Maybe now
It's time to go
Because since the last time we spoke
I couldn't have been more wrong
With what I chose
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4. |
Some Day, A Final Dream
06:55
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Some day
A final dream
So beautiful
So pure
There'd be no reason
To wait for it
To become real
A dream so lovely
I couldn't help
But end it all
Nothing would compare
Nothing would compete
With a dream so lovely
That I couldn't help but sleep
Help but sleep for an eternity
Sleeping peacefully
In a room flooded
With love and warmth
It's so very different
From the life I lead
If it were real
I couldn't handle it
The face in the mirror
Doesn't want to be
Treated with care and tenderness
It wants to bleed
To break
To shatter
It wants to sleep
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5. |
Skin In The Sunlight
03:26
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Breaking glances
From squinting eyes
Forgetting a night worth
Of worthless lies
Rolling over
It can't be over
Can it?
Will it?
The light shines through
A curtain nailed up
Nothing to do
But try not to give up
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6. |
Count My Vertebrae
12:08
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7. |
Take Another Drink
03:43
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ust one more
You'll feel okay
You'll sleep
Prayers
You don't dream
You won't sleep
Each sunset
Nightmares
Fuel for past sins
Breathe it in
Don't let go
Just fucking die
Just fucking leave
Just like everything else
It's all so fucking fleeting
I don't want anything
I don't want to fucking breathe
I don't fucking care anymore
If this shit is over
I just want to fucking die
Just one more
Another drink
Take another drink
You'll feel okay
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8. |
Sickly
06:13
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It's real
It's so unreal
I can't take it
I won't last
My own chest
Pressing down lungs
Can't hide under your blankets
You're not there
And they're too heavy
You could put your hands
Through my diaphragm
It's soft and rotting
You could take what you want
Rub each piece between your fingers
Sometime soon
This body will have to break
Sometime soon
I'll have to sleep
It's just been hard as of late
Seeing your face in every dream
Dreaming of when we would smile together
But when my eyes open
You're never there
And I'm never smiling
Dragging each lamp deeper
This light won't shine forever
Soon it will short
And I'll drown
In the depths
Beneath your blanket
I'll give into this sickness
Undressing for a last dream
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9. |
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10. |
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I’m sorry
To keep you waiting
With one more try
I’ll give you what you want
I’ll take this burden
Off your hands
I’ll do what I need to
There wasn’t much
Anyone could have done
At this point
It’s for the best
I’ll do what I can
Giving it everything
So one day
You’ll know I’m not here
You know I’m nowhere
You know I don’t belong here
Not anymore
There is no guilt
No pain
None that you could hold
You shouldn’t have to
It’s my responsibility
It’s all my fault
You’re not here with me
And it’s my fault
Leaving behind
A body unrecognizable
Cover my face
You’ll be proud
Of how small I got
Bone and skin
Not much else
But it’s not like
I wanted to be anything more
At least you thought I was pretty
At least I could make you smile
I just wish you were here with me
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11. |
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With you
Only you
I'd leave everything else
Just let it all
Fall away
Each death
So small
Each light
So dim
A cure
To be remembered
Cherished
In a heart
Passed down
Who have never
Known the warmth
Of a love for themselves
To be remembered
Is all it takes
It doesn't matter
How long you stay
How happy you were
To be remembered
Is all there can be
I just want you
To keep me in your heart
Breathing or still
Maybe I can hold a place
In each little fiber
Of your being
And if so
And I hold state
In your heart
Then I will leave this place
This life
With you as the guardian
For my memory
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12. |
Couples Therapy
04:43
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Could we go again
Just another try
We could talk
We could do better
But it's your choice
I know how much better
You're doing
Without me
I'm sorry I want to ruin it
I just need you
But I know
Part of you gets a kick
Out of watching me suffer
No pity
No shame
It's nice to see
Someone else bleed
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13. |
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Unlocked
Distortions of faces
Completely absent
Of any sound
The voices I knew
Playing in my head
All have left
I stand before the gate
Left hand in the right
Just waiting
Eating whole
The last chance I had
Pining
For some sound
At the gates
I'd waved goodbye
Left like I had to
But where are the noises
The music
Those beautiful voices
Hollowed out wails
I'd learned
To call home
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14. |
Forever And Always
06:56
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For every light
A sight of old nights
Each memory
Left to dimming
Growing old
Visions blur
But the feeling remains
Each night with you
Branded in my heart
The images fade
But feeling remains
What remains
Only I know
Warmth and care
Fear and terror
Only now
Only love remains
Forever always
Bringing a life
A time
Eternal
Scorned
Breathing your breath
Holding your hand
Two small hands
Joined in a nest
Tangled together
Tethered
-
-
What's wrong with me
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15. |
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In imagination
Half awake
Half dreaming
It's so cold outside
Sitting here in my head
I see a warmth
Of bodies shared
Frigid waters
The sound of voices
Drowned by a concrete fountain
Stepping into a stubborn drink
I'm warming up
The idea of a gun half-cocked
Between a jaw of clay
Breaking a lamp
Breaking a heart
Breaking a life
What good is there
For me to do
Breaking a smile
Breaking a trust
Breaking a promise
Breaking your heart
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16. |
I'm So Scared Of Myself
06:48
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Where am I
What's happening
I don't know
These voices in my head
Are they me
Are they you
What am I supposed to do
What am I supposed to say
I'm so scared
I'm so scared
Of myself
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17. |
What Remains
17:56
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Lyrics consist of a letter I wrote to my doctor about voices and images in my head that I've gained a new found terror of.
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Somewhere swallowed. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
I dream of you endlessly.
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